That which does not kill us makes us stronger

My post was then going to be an angry rant about how, on balance, 2010 has been a terrible year – it has been a year dominated for the first six months by the hospitalisation and death of my dad, a year which has seen me in hospital (I’ll live) over Christmas and a year in which I feel as though I have been pushed to my mental and physical limits by events and, perhaps, by my own inexperienced way of dealing with and shaping these events. If there were a god, I’d be kicking him in the balls and screaming in his face. Powerless. Angry.

But then I think back to who was with me during those tough times, and I remember that it was pretty much everyone I care about. I remember the kind words of support that seemed to bounce of my numbed carapace of rage; the apparently bottomless kindness of people around me (including 2 different bosses) as I struggled through the first half of 2010. I remember the hug from a colleague on my return to work after Dad’s death. I remember my neighbour calling me from the motorway trying desperately to find my parents’ house when he heard the news. I remember how much my mum and I helped each other through the tough times. I remember Rebecca’s incredible support and strength, someone whom I have put though enough this year and who didn’t break, let alone bend. Not an inch.

So yes, I’m angry and I’m disappointed at how this year has panned out, but I’m grateful to the people around me. Through this year’s adversity, It’s become clear just how very lucky I am. It’s often been tempting to think that I can move through life completely self-sufficiently, but this year I learned that no man is an island and the people around me are gold.

And to lighten the mood, here’s a little something to cover any questions about New Year’s Resolutions:

Good luck in 2011!

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.

When you have to make a choice and you don’t make it, that itself is a choice.

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

“Sir, What is the secret of your success?” a reporter asked a bank president.

“Two words.”

“And, sir, what are they?”

“Good decisions.”

“And how do you make good decisions?”

“One word.”

“And sir, what is that?”

“Experience.”

“And how do you get Experience?”

“Two words.”

“And, sir, what are they?”

“Bad decisions.”

We have a choice: to plow new ground or let the weeds grow.

What does it mean, exactly?

Can atheists be spiritual, even without believing in the supernatural?

Can you appreciate beauty without always thinking you can explain it, even though the culturally-dominant religious explanation might be beautiful, even if it’s absurd?

This video is by the excellent A Hughman.

Merry Christmas!

Nobody found me at home with a trickle of blood coming from my dead nostrils. I wasn't passed out in the lounge with a belt around my arm and a needle hanging from my shriveled vein.

That's because I overdosed on coffee.

It isn't the first time, you know. I've overdosed on caffeine before. I remember vividly drinking several strong cups of coffee before going to the gym late one night and being unable to sleep for the whole night. I lay in bed until about 4am, before realising that I was desperate for the bathroom. And here began my dilemma: if I get out of bed, I'll have a heart attack, if I stay in bed I'll humiliate myself. I finally reached a compromise of falling out of bed and dragging myself to the bathroom. I thought my heart was about to explode!

Still, it gave me a preview of an average night in the life of the infirm.

So I felt more empathy than sympathy for this Teenager who overdosed on 7 double espressos, a girl who was a bit tired at work in a coffee shop and ended up in hospital with a caffeine overdose. And she and I are not isolated cases – two friends of mine have completely messed up their body clocks through excess habitual caffeine consumption.

But no Ciaran blog post is complete without some whinge or another. My whinge today is about the abysmal spelling that seems to insinuate itself into everyday life, especially in shop signs. A fine example is the one I spotted with my colleague Chris in a cafe today. What the bloody hell is an Expresso anyway? And why do so many people say expresso instead of espresso?

The video does outline some of the actual techniques that cults use on prospects and members, and even if it seems a little light-hearted at first, it makes some serious points. These cults are a serious problem, there are lots of cults in existence today and plenty of atrocities throughout time, including:

• Order of the Solar Temple (Famous Swiss murder-suicides in which 48 people died in 1994)
• Peoples Temple (909 deaths, including 270 children in 1978)
• Aum Shinryko (gassed the Tokyo tube system in 1995)
• Heaven’s Gate (Suicide Cult – The “Heaven’s Gate Away Team” left Earth in 1997)
• Lord’s Resistance Army (has been waging a civil war against the Ugandan government since 1987 using child soldiers)
• The Manson Family (of Charles Manson fame – responsible for a string of brutal murders)

Years ago, I read a book that outlined the mechanisms that these cults often use to effectively brainwash recruits into their ideology or religion. If you think you’re clever enough to avoid their fate, think again! I knew a good few people at University who got hooked into cults. To read more about cults and be aware of the dangers, take a look here.

1. Add to the mountain of "news" around the Islam issue in this country.
2. Air some half-baked ideas I've got.
3. Open myself up for possible abuse and threats.
4. Hopefully learn from my readers through their comments on my thoughts.

  I don't really understand where the government is going with its efforts to engage the "Islamic Community". I don't even think there is an "Islamic Community"; maybe there are "Islamic communities". It seems the government is talking to people who are mainstream, who are not involved in the terrorist atrocities and near-misses we've seen in this country. What's the point in that? Didn't we make the same mistake by not talking to Gerry Adams in the first place, instead putting it off for decades? And on the other hand, I see some logic in what they're doing. Maybe they're trying to dry up the water around the terrorist fish. Maybe if the mainstream community could be persuaded to seek out and reject the terrorists in their midst, we'd have less of a problem. As it stands, though, I don't see (perhaps the media isn't telling me) Muslim leaders condemning their fellows for effigy-burning, bombing and incitement to violence. I do see the government funding projects that separate people, including separate faith schools, which I think is a terribly backward step. What got my back this time was reading about the heckling John Reid got. I'm all for politicians getting heckled, but here's what was said to him by Abu Izzadeen:

"How dare you come to a Muslim area when over 1,000 Muslims have been arrested?"

John Reid was later interrupted during a question and answer session by Anjem Choudary to tell the home secretary that Muslims did not need British values:

"We believe Islam is superior, we believe Islam will be implemented one day. It is very rich for you to come here and say we need to monitor our children when your government is murdering people in Iraq and Afghanistan."

Later on, one of the above explained is actions saying that he would not dicsuss these matters with a non-muslim. So it seems that these opinions assert:

1. That there are areas in Britain where only Muslims should be allowed to go.
2. That the number of muslims arrested has any bearing on the issue of whether people should blow themselves up and take others with them.
3. That Islam is superior and that a move to overturn the liberal democracy we have in the UK is to be applauded.
4. That British foreign policy absolves Muslim parents of any responsibility for their childrens' upbringing.
5. That if you're not a Muslim, your opinion is worthless to a Muslim.

We're told that this is a minority view, Of course. We're told that these chaps don't represent mainstream Muslim opinion. So:

1. Why isn't more being done or being seen to be done by the mainstream Muslims who want to live by our laws and by our cultural norms?
2. Why does the media give people like Abu Izzadeen the spotlight and not the two women he told to "be quiet"after they tried to encourage dialogue?
3. I know there are people out there who want to make this country an Islamic theocracy, but is all the attention they're getting all some sort of media conspiracy?

I don't really see what the problem was with John Reid's speech on its own, other than it stated the bleeding obvious. What he seems to have been asking for was that parents should raise their children to be tolerant and to resist those who would call on them to become terrorists. The simple reaction should have been, "Yes. That's how we bring up our children." The other point that he was making was that if you see a crime being committed or if you see someone premeditating a crime, you have an obligation to report this to the police. The simple reaction should have been, "Yes. That's morally right and it is the law of this country. We agree." The summary of the responses from the crowd in front of John Reid should have been: "And your point is?"

So today is September 11th. Five years ago today, thousands of people lost their lives in the largest terrorist atrocity in history. Almost three thousand human beings died at the hand of a backward theological fascism.

I remember how my workplace dropped what it was doing and how everyone was transfixed by what was happening on the TV screens. I remember every single major news website shutting down due to overload. I remember sitting with Rebecca in her flat in Queens Park whilst we watched the news all night.

I remember how much we cried.

I remember thinking how sick and twisted and evil the people who had done this were and that nobody deserved this.

I’ve been brought up to have a lot of gratitude for what the USA has done for the world. The energy, inventiveness and resourcefulness of the USA is incredible. We must never forget how much we owe them after we were bailed out in WW1 and WW2 and the Cold War. I still look to the USA as a place I’d love to live in someday and I think that the spread of democracy throughout the world should be encouraged. I think the United States is in general a positive force in the world.

I’m also not above being selfish. I’m aware that many of the benefits I enjoy by living in the Western World are due, in part, to the environment that exists and is supported by the USA. I’m talking about our world trade system. I’m talking about the uneven distribution of wealth in the world. This is a result of the corporate interests that drive America. I’m not proud of it, but I’m glad to be here and living a life of relative plenty and security.

But please don’t think I consider the USA to be purely altruistic. The USA has put itself in a position (as befits the dominant world power) whereby it feels obligated to protect and support its interests around the world. As the world economy has become more integrated, but certainly traceable from the days of the Monroe Doctrine, the USA has proven to be more active in areas that one might consider aren’t in its “Back Yard”. The USA is also inconsistent in spreading its values across the globe if it suits.

To many, the USA has been meddlesome. To some, it is the embodiment of evil.

So I struggle with the dilemma of looking up the the USA and being grateful to it on the one hand with a revulsion for the exploitation and meddling I am associated with by existing in the system that the USA dominates.

I would love to see a world where resources are shared more fairly, even though I struggle with the thought of having to give up my luxurious lifestyle.

I do remember thinking at the time that the USA had an unprecedented opportunity to say, “OK. People have given up their lives in a very spectacular and desperate way to hurt us. Let’s reflect on what we can do to make the world a better place through non-coercive means. Let’s use the unity this atrocity has brough to make a Marshall Plan for the world and work together to elminate the causes of this evil.”

Unfortunately, that vision did not bear fruit. Perhaps it was unworkable or utopian. I almost wish we had tried.

What I do know, from the Cost of War site, is that the war in Iraq has cost over $313,848,570,000 to date. That’s right – Three Hundred and Thirteen BILLION DOLLARS!. With that money, we could have provided for the health 0f almost 190,000,000 children or built 2,500,000 houses.

All that, for a war that had nothing to do with 9/11.

I also see that in the USA and across the world our freedoms are being eroded by anti-terror legislation. We’re starting to do the job for the terrorists by cutting our own throats.

My thoughts today are with those who tragically lost people that day and for those who have lost people in the War on Terror and related conflicts.

And whilst I love the ideals of America I cling to the hope that they will awaken once more, with an America under the leadership of Statesmen, not politicians. People who think of the long-term interests of their country and the world, not the narrow interests of their patron corporations in timescales of election cycles.

As one of the the Founding Fathers, Thomas Paine, once said, “My country is the World. My Religion is to do good.”

I eagerly await the return of that spirit. The world needs it right now.

Try saying “Sean John” five times fast. Go on!

Makes you sound like an lisping, fat-tongued idiot, doesn’t it?

Now try saying “Puff Daddy” five times fast.

This is getting boring, right?

Now try saying “P Diddy” just once!

Yep – once is enough, isn’t it?

What the hell is it with Sean Combs? He starts off his (by all accounts commerically successful) music career calling himself “Puff Daddy”, which I have to admit I could never accept. The Daddy of all Puffs was either The Honey Monster or Larry Grayson/ Kenneth Williams. No one else comes close.

So that proves that “Puff Daddy” is a fraudulent and misleading name for Sean Combs.

Publicly declaring his intention to re-invent himself, although most likely realising this error, he then took the name “P Diddy”. This name is clearly ridiculous. End of story.

Or is it? He then appears on the Today Show in 2005 to announce his newest contribution to our global culture: dropping the “P” from “P Diddy”. His reasoning: “the P was getting between me and my fans.”

Our hero decided to become a fashion designer in 1998, marketing clothes under his first two names, Sean John.

So what’s with this constant self-reinvention? Most people are quite content to be known by the same name(s) throughout their lifetime. These are some of the possible explanations I can think of:

• Cheap publicity
• Insecurity
• A desire to put the gun-toting past behind him
• Sheer Posing
• A deep-seated conviction that “Puff Daddy” was the wrong choice and fundamentally misrepresents the deep and complex characteristics of his soul.

This whole renaming thing is so lame. Why do I go on about it? Well, it reminds me of when they renamed Marathon to Snickers, or Opal Fruits to Starburst or Midland Bank to HSBC. Nothing really changed, just a name. So much in public life nowadays is about what things seem, rather than what they are.

Oh – and take that stupid toothpick out of your mouth. It just looks stupid. The last people I saw doing that who thought it made them look cool and tough were the kids on my schoolbus when I was twelve.

You’re not a ganster, Puffy/Diddy/whatever you’re called today. You make “music” and perfume.